Dear Adoption Maharishi,

After many years of mental torment and agony of dealing with the person I call my mother I decided to attempt to find my roots. Here's the problem in the area of the birth certificate that usually has the doctors name and signature etc. Is has my adopted mothers name. The document appears to be fraudulent but I am told it is not. The other thing that is strange is my adoption was finalized early 1985 but my amended birth certificate was issued just six weeks after I was born. The home study was not performed until after my adoptive parents were chosen to receive me. To really top things off my adoptive parents had only been married for 8 months when they received me. Because of Texas laws my parents were allowed to finalize the adoption in a different county, rather than the one of my birth and of residence. Every time I go to the courthouse my adoption was "finalized in" they cannot tell me anything. Not even if it was indeed the courthouse. I'm at a dead end and I feel as if I am being cheated out of my history. I also would love to know my medical background. The funny part is my adoptive parents know that my birth mother had to have a hysterectomy due to cervical cancer. If anybody has any advice on how to find my birth parents it would be much appreciated even my search agent I hired is pretty much stumped, if we can not get the courts to produce any information I'm screwed. Signed, jmontgomery0627

Dear jmontgomery0627,

We truly understand and sympathize with your grief. One of our partners has a husband in the same boat. He was born in 1964 so the same era. In Michigan, you can pay the court a fee to locate your birthparents. A person at the court locates the birthparents and discusses the possibility of a meeting. Ultimately, it is up to the birthparents. In our case, the birthmother refused to meet. Thus he experienced another humiliating let down. Michigan also has a registry where adoptees, and relatives who know about the child placed, can put their names on a list to be contacted if the other party also puts their name on the list. Unfortunately, I don’t think these lists are very well operated. I bring this up because, Texas may have similar possibilities. Please ask your courthouse if they offer an adoption liaison service, where they anonymously contact the birthparents to request information. They can pull your records to do this. Ironically, we also adopted an infant from Texas.

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

 

We have a student who has encopresis and RAD. What are some effective strategies we can use to help this 10 year old boy reduce these incidents?

 

Signed,

Evansb

 

Dear Evansb,

Congratulations on your steadfast commitment to this 10-year-old child with severe emotional issues. Many caretakers are unable to deal with an older child struggling with encopresis over the long-term. Because of the odor, shock, disgust, and continuously replacing soiled clothing that either will not come clean or refuse to give up their odor. Some children with encopresis issues also paint feces on the wall, rub their poop into carpets, and refuse to clean themselves appropriately afterward soiling undergarments. These children may also place soiled garments into the laundry hamper without rinsing them or disposing of the bowel movement creating a bigger mess by soiling the entire load of laundry. Continuing this behavior problem, especially at school will result in lost, or non-existent friendships, name calling, low self-esteem, shame, guilt, and lost learning time.

Intensive early intervention, before children reach the age of five, may boost IQ, language, and social skills. A new study designed specifically for toddlers with autism was so successful, that by the end of the program, these children were attending regular preschool, and had developed friendships with their peers.

The children included in the study were between 18 months and 30 months. However, the study, called the Early Start Denver Model, was designed for autistic children between the ages of one and five.

Faith wrote a blog about Adoption Myth: If you Adopt, You will Get Pregnant. She received this advice from several well-wishers when she and her hubby made their decision to adopt. Of course, it did not really happen, but people love to perpetuate the myth. Following that same train of thought, I must wonder, once you give up on ever finding a mother to choose your family to adopt her newborn, are you chosen? I wonder if anyone else has witnessed this phenomenon because this is what has happened to our family, twice in the last seven months.