suicidal urges

Trauma Tuesday: Is Suicide Wrong?

Submitted by FaithA on Tue, 01/12/2010 - 08:00

Traumatized Adopted Child (c) Julie C

If you are parenting a foster or adopted child who was abused, you will likely have to deal with your child’s struggles with suicidal urges. Of course, this is not true of every single abused child, but the vast majority of child abuse survivors do at least consider suicide at some point in their lives, so you need to think about the issue of suicide if you are parenting an abused child.

In my opinion, society has given suicidal urges a bad rap. No, I am not proposing that we all go out and celebrate suicide, nor do I think suicide should be encouraged. What I am saying is that most abused children do struggle with suicidal urges – enough that I would say that considering suicide is a “normal” aftereffect of child abuse. Therefore, to tell an abused child that he is “sinning” and “wrong” to think about suicide is to heap additional guilt on someone who is already hurting very deeply. That very guilt could be what puts some traumatized children over the edge, causing the suicidal urges to move from thoughts into deeds.

Trauma Thursday: What to Say to Your Suicidal Adopted Child

Submitted by FaithA on Thu, 01/07/2010 - 07:54

Traumatized Adopted Child (c) JulieCIt is common for traumatized foster and adopted children to struggle with suicidal urges from time to time. During puberty, these urges can become even stronger. While this can be quite disturbing to you as the foster or adoptive parent, rest assured that these feelings are normal and experienced by most survivors of child abuse.

When your foster or adopted child says that he wants to die, take him seriously because he very likely means it. However, what he is really trying to say is that he is in so much pain that he is willing to do anything, even die, to make the pain stop. This is very different than having a desire to die. Dying is merely a means to an end … the end of the pain.

Your traumatized foster or adopted child has experienced pain so deep that, unless you were traumatized yourself, you cannot possibly imagine the depths of the pain. Wanting to make the pain end is a rational reaction to such deep pain.

Trauma Thursday: Self-Destructive Comments

Submitted by FaithA on Thu, 08/06/2009 - 07:45

Traumatized Adopted Child (c) JulieC

A reader wants to know if she should be concerned about her adopted daughter’s self-destructive comments. The short answer is yes. If you are parenting a foster child or an adopted child who has been traumatized, always pay attention to self-destructive comments, such as, “I want to die,” or “I wish I was dead.”

It is common for children (and adults) who have been abused to struggle with suicidal urges and even to attempt suicide. The reason for this is the despair that the child experienced while the abuse was happening. The child had no power to make the abuse stop. As a result, the child felt very deep despair but was unable to express it at the time. Those feelings are still buried inside of the child. As the child heals (and/or when the child reaches puberty), those feelings of despair bubble up.

The problem is that a child does not have a lifetime of experiences against which to compare how he or she is currently feeling.

Trauma Tuesday: “I Want to Die”

Submitted by FaithA on Tue, 04/28/2009 - 07:45

Traumatized Adopted Child (c) Julie C

On my blog entry entitled Head-Banging in the Abused Child with DID, a reader posted the following comment:

And, with the suicidal thoughts - when a child expresses their feelings using the words "I WANT TO DIE" - they have reached the end. They are not attention seeking, they are not looking for something tangible. But it is everything and everyone inside of them wanting the pain, the hurt, the memories to stop and to go away. And, when expressed in such a manner - they want someone to stop and to hear and to do something - anything. But what if they don't listen? ~ alejansmom

Feeling suicidal urges and expressing the feelings of “I want to die” is very common among child abuse survivors. It is so common, in fact, that I rarely encounter a child abuse survivor who has not expressed this feeling at one time or another. For many of us, this thought can be a regular companion throughout our lives, even if we never act upon it.

When an abused child says, “I want to die,” what he is really saying is, “I am in so much emotional pain that I am willing to do anything to make the pain stop, even if I had to die to do it.”

Trauma Thursday: Helping Abused Adopted Child Fight Suicidal Urges

Submitted by FaithA on Thu, 12/04/2008 - 09:15

Traumatized Adopted Child (c) JulieC

One of the scariest issues that adoptive and foster parents face when parenting an abused child is dealing with the child’s suicidal urges. Unfortunately, suicidal urges are a normal aftereffect of child abuse. If your adopted child experienced child abuse, particularly severe child abuse, then you are likely to have to deal with your child’s suicidal urges at some point.

Suicidal urges are normal for child abuse survivors and, contrary to popular belief, do not indicate a desire to die. Instead, the abused child is in so much emotional pain that he is willing to do anything, even commit suicide, to make the pain stop. If the abused child cannot figure out another way to manage the emotional pain, then he is more likely to go through with attempting suicide.

The first thing you need to know as a parent is to take all suicidal comments seriously.