Teens
Ever Had a Gun Pulled on You While Fostering?
Even after a decade of fostering teenage girls, and nearly 70 years on earth, I can still experience “firsts” in my life. This morning a teenage boy pulled a gun on me while I was escorting my 17 year old foster daughter into my vehicle. This young lady has been living in my home since she was 11 years old. Just this past year, she has lost her mind. I have noticed this phenomenon happening with other teenagers as their eighteenth birthdays approach. Of course, it all started over a boy.
GUEST BLOG: How Can I Dissolve This Adoption? Part II
Linny and her husband have adopted several times: Internationally, through the foster/adopt system, and transracially through domestic adoption. Five of these adoptions were infants; three were "older child" adoptions. They have known the joys and disappointments of adoption having placed one child into residential care, dissolving the adoption of another child, and having one child re-adopted. Linny and her husband have adopted one more time.......bringing a total of four at home....ages 8yrs to 1yr.
Dissolution of an adoption…Linny …copyright 2010
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This is part two of this series. You can read yesterday's post here.

So, what do you do, should you find your family considering such a move?
First, go back through any copies of physician/psychiatric records and consider all of the options you’ve tried and what has happened. Any court of law is going to ask you what’s been considered, first. Write everything down to assure yourself in black and white that you’ve done everything available to help. For most families dealing with children who are exceptionally difficult, they’ll have already begun a sort of journaling to document everything the child has said and done while the behavior deteriorated.
Next, you’ll need to grow a thick skin and try to surround yourself with people who understand how you came to this place. Many people will say incredibly hurtful things about your parenting, your love and how "‘only selfish and horrible people would ever let go of their child." You’ll need to be sure this is absolutely the last resort to help-- not only the disturbed child, but also the other children who’ve already been harmed, or waiting like sitting ducks to be harmed.
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GUEST BLOG: How Can I Dissolve This Adoption? Part 1
Linny and her husband have adopted several times: Internationally, through the foster/adopt system, and transracially through domestic adoption. Five of these adoptions were infants; three were "older child" adoptions. They have known the joys and disappointments of adoption having placed one child into residential care, dissolving the adoption of another child, and having one child re-adopted. Linny and her husband have adopted one more time.......bringing a total of four at home....ages 8yrs to 1yr. Dissolution of an adoption…Linny …copyright 2010
The nausea in your stomach and emotional pain that continues to live in your soul each and every day you’ve considered this position has not gone away.
Adoption is forever"…or so you’ve been told and believed from the start.You’ve had other children who were adopted and living with them has been alright….so you figure---somehow---you’ve been a decent parent. You’ve tried everything in therapies, counseling, disciplines. Nothing has worked successfully for your child.
You promised to love and care for this child from the start. But now, the problem is much bigger than ‘be patient, stay steadfast and love will conquer all’….much bigger. The child’s now a danger---physically and/or sexually, and/or emotionally----to your other children. Whose rights do you now consider?
In the world of adoption, you‘re committing the ultimate sin. Just the thought that you could separate yourself from your child through dissolution is enough to make the best counselor turn red from anger.
But of course, most counselors have never had a sexual offender nor a child who’s capable of killing animals and children in their home.
Books on adoption don’t want to include this aspect of adoption, though it happens more often than you think. Society doesn’t want to even consider it, because it means that some children are head towards committing horrific crimes and lack a conscience. That doesn’t sit well with those who write "‘Fun Facts about Little Johnny" in the waiting children section of the DCF, nor make for good advertisement in the "Home For the Holidays" specials on TV. Much of this‘head in the sand thinking comes from those who have no idea what it’s like to ‘live the walk’. This isn’t a case that calls for simple solutions, some counseling with the family, and everyone walks away thinking, "Gee, the sun will come out tomorrow." Far from it.
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How Could You Exclude One Child From Christmas Presents?

I am expecting an attack from those of you not parenting PTSD, RAD, FAS or other traumatized children for sharing that I excluded one child from Christmas presents. I feel compelled to share because I know others are suffering from their own personal guilt in silence for excluding one child from Christmas presents. Note that this article is not geared towards families who do not celebrate Christmas. Instead, it is to those who do celebrate Christmas but choose not to give presents to one naughty child. A child new to the home is always given a Mulligan and receives presents no matter what. However, our daughter is 16 and came home shortly before her fourth birthday. She knows the rules, she knows what she should and should not do, and chooses to do the opposite.
Parents Your Kids Are Having Sex Before You Have the Sex Talk

Discussing sex with your child is not usually comfortable for the parent or the child. Older kids tend to laugh you off and tell you that they already know all about it, even if they do not know important facts. Discussing sex with a preteen seems premature after all; kids do not need that information in elementary school. We need to let them be kids for as long as possible. Unfortunately, that just is not true in the twenty-first century. By the first year in junior high school, 40 percent of adolescents may be having intercourse. This information is according to the (NHI) National Institute for Health. For most of them, their parents have not broached the subject of safe sex, condom use, relationships, and birth control. That makes their behaviors even more risky for STIs and unplanned pregnancies. The NHI is advising parents to begin open discussions with their children about sexual behavior between six and nine.
Holidays When Your Good Adopted Child Acts Bad

If you adopted older children then holidays may be difficult for your family. Since Christmas is almost here, your child may have already started misbehaving, acting inappropriately, or just plain bad. Most of the family is excited about the Christmas holiday. They pitch in to decorate the tree and the house. They look forward to a break from school and seeing extended family members. Children talk excitedly as they anticipate opening gifts on Christmas day. Faith has blogged about holidays triggering abuse survivors. But even if your child did not suffer sexual abuse before coming home to your family, the holidays may still trigger all kinds of emotions. Children are unable to process these conflicting emotions and may need extra attention and counseling. Even your usually good (well-behaved) adopted child may act bad.
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Friday Funnies: When Your Child Begins Experimenting with Makeup

If you have makeup in the house, eventually your child is going to experiment with it. If your bathroom routine in the morning involves putting on makeup and your toddler watches you, then that experimenting may begin at a very young age. I really do not use much makeup, if I do apply any it is usually mascara and some lip balm. My adopted daughter began asking me to apply mascara to her eyelashes by the tender age of two. Being the overindulging older parent, I complied. I have adult children who are 26 years old and grandchildren the same age as my adopted daughter. Since, for the most part, I am a stay at home parent I have plenty of time to amuse and mentor my cherished toddler. She wants to be with me constantly, and doing exactly what I am doing. While this may have annoyed me a little in my younger days, I cherish the moments now. I was a little surprised when she began expertly applying mascara all by herself a couple of months ago.
Should Your Child Be Using Zyprexa?

A group of medicines known as atypical antipsychotics including, Zyprexa, Seroquel, Abilify, Geodon, and Risperdal were recently scrutinized by the FDA for their use in treating children with bipolar and schizophrenia symptoms. Drug reviewers feel that further study may be warranted for the metabolic effects these drugs have on children. This scrutiny was initiated in part by a study of health insurance claims indicating that children treated with atypical antipsychotics "were much more likely to experience an adverse metabolic effect than adults, and the likelihood was directly correlated with age." These adverse effects include weight gain, diabetes, and increases in blood pressure and cholesterol levels.
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Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Diaries: Physical Maturity Does Not Always Equal Increasing Responsibility

Some friends found 12 boxes of old books that someone had dropped off at the local recycling center. They were allowed to take the ones they wanted, and lovingly searched through a box for my family. I began reading a book by Charles R. Swindoll titled “Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back, Persevering Through Pressure.” The title reminded me of the dilemma many of us face parenting our FAS children, except maybe the other way around. Just when I think I am making some progress with my nearly 16-year-old daughter, she seems to regress further than before. A paragraph in the first chapter seemed to crystallize the basis of my frustration in parenting my daughter afflicted with fetal alcohol syndrome.
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Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Diaries: My Birthmother Called and Upset Me so I Had to Runaway

Today, I returned from the store to find our 16-year-old FAS daughter missing. The younger children and I had left for the grocery store around 3:30 PM. They had finished their homeschool assignments before noon; so far, she had only completed one assignment, so she stayed home to work. When we returned home an hour later, she was missing. After about an hour, her brothers and sisters concluded that she had runaway.




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