Linny and her husband have adopted several times: Internationally, through the foster/adopt system, and transracially through domestic adoption. Five of these adoptions were infants; three were "older child" adoptions. They have known the joys and disappointments of adoption having placed one child into residential care, dissolving the adoption of another child, and having one child re-adopted. Linny and her husband have adopted one more time.......bringing a total of four at home....ages 8yrs to 1yr. Dissolution of an adoption…Linny …copyright 2010

The nausea in your stomach and emotional pain that continues to live in your soul each and every day you’ve considered this position has not gone away.

Adoption is forever"…or so you’ve been told and believed from the start.You’ve had other children who were adopted and living with them has been alright….so you figure---somehow---you’ve been a decent parent. You’ve tried everything in therapies, counseling, disciplines. Nothing has worked successfully for your child.

You promised to love and care for this child from the start. But now, the problem is much bigger than ‘be patient, stay steadfast and love will conquer all’….much bigger. The child’s now a danger---physically and/or sexually, and/or emotionally----to your other children. Whose rights do you now consider?

In the world of adoption, you‘re committing the ultimate sin. Just the thought that you could separate yourself from your child through dissolution is enough to make the best counselor turn red from anger.

But of course, most counselors have never had a sexual offender nor a child who’s capable of killing animals and children in their home.

Books on adoption don’t want to include this aspect of adoption, though it happens more often than you think. Society doesn’t want to even consider it, because it means that some children are head towards committing horrific crimes and lack a conscience. That doesn’t sit well with those who write "‘Fun Facts about Little Johnny" in the waiting children section of the DCF, nor make for good advertisement in the "Home For the Holidays" specials on TV. Much of this‘head in the sand thinking comes from those who have no idea what it’s like to ‘live the walk’. This isn’t a case that calls for simple solutions, some counseling with the family, and everyone walks away thinking, "Gee, the sun will come out tomorrow." Far from it.

Discussing sex with your child is not usually comfortable for the parent or the child. Older kids tend to laugh you off and tell you that they already know all about it, even if they do not know important facts. Discussing sex with a preteen seems premature after all; kids do not need that information in elementary school. We need to let them be kids for as long as possible. Unfortunately, that just is not true in the twenty-first century. By the first year in junior high school, 40 percent of adolescents may be having intercourse. This information is according to the (NHI) National Institute for Health. For most of them, their parents have not broached the subject of safe sex, condom use, relationships, and birth control. That makes their behaviors even more risky for STIs and unplanned pregnancies. The NHI is advising parents to begin open discussions with their children about sexual behavior between six and nine.

If you have makeup in the house, eventually your child is going to experiment with it. If your bathroom routine in the morning involves putting on makeup and your toddler watches you, then that experimenting may begin at a very young age. I really do not use much makeup, if I do apply any it is usually mascara and some lip balm. My adopted daughter began asking me to apply mascara to her eyelashes by the tender age of two. Being the overindulging older parent, I complied. I have adult children who are 26 years old and grandchildren the same age as my adopted daughter. Since, for the most part, I am a stay at home parent I have plenty of time to amuse and mentor my cherished toddler. She wants to be with me constantly, and doing exactly what I am doing. While this may have annoyed me a little in my younger days, I cherish the moments now. I was a little surprised when she began expertly applying mascara all by herself a couple of months ago.

Some friends found 12 boxes of old books that someone had dropped off at the local recycling center. They were allowed to take the ones they wanted, and lovingly searched through a box for my family. I began reading a book by Charles R. Swindoll titled “Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back, Persevering Through Pressure.” The title reminded me of the dilemma many of us face parenting our FAS children, except maybe the other way around. Just when I think I am making some progress with my nearly 16-year-old daughter, she seems to regress further than before. A paragraph in the first chapter seemed to crystallize the basis of my frustration in parenting my daughter afflicted with fetal alcohol syndrome.