therapy

Trauma Tuesday: Accepting That Some Things Will Never Change

Submitted by FaithA on Tue, 06/22/2010 - 06:43

Traumatized Adopted Child (c) Julie C

As someone who was abused as a child, one of the most difficult pills to swallow has been accepting that some things are never going to change. When I entered into therapy, I wanted the therapist to “make me normal,” which I defined as removing all post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms. My therapist told me that this was an unrealistic goal, which was something that I did not want to hear. I would imagine that anyone parenting an abused child does not want to hear this, either.

My therapist went on to say that, while my PTSD would never be “over,” it would get easier as I learned how to manage it. Instead of being triggered for weeks, I would learn how to pull myself out after only hours or days. He has been right about this. The worst triggering I have had in a while only lasted for four days. While I felt every minute of those four days (and they felt like an eternity), I was better within days (although I did wind up catching a cold on heels of my triggering). A few years ago, I would have given anything to pull out of a nosedive within four days.

How to Tuesday: How to Know if Your Child is Finished With, or Running From Therapy?

Submitted by JulieC on Tue, 02/17/2009 - 11:19

Therapy is a wonderful tool for children who have suffered emotional or physical trauma, helping them to deal with issues from their past that they may have trouble understanding or coping with.  Yet, if a child decides that he or she is no longer in need of therapy, how does the parent know if the child is truly feeling better and has made progress, or if the child is simply trying to run from issues that he or she is still unwilling to face?

Talk to your child about why he or she wishes to stop therapy.   Does your child have good reasons for not wanting to go to therapy any longer?  How is the child behaving during the discussion?  If he or she is defensive, angry, or dismissive chances are that therapy is still needed, and the child is trying to escape facing deep wounds.

Talk to the therapist.  Give the therapist a call and discuss how he or she feels your child is doing in therapy.  The therapist may agree that your child has made great strides in his or her healing, and that therapy is no longer needed, or may only suggest a short break from therapy if there are still deep emotional wounds that the child has yet to work through, but still needs time before facing. 

Trauma Thursday: When Abused Adopted Child’s Traumas Trigger Your Own Issues

Submitted by FaithA on Thu, 12/11/2008 - 09:15

Traumatized Adopted Child (c) JulieC

Many people who adopt abused children were once abused themselves. Those who know the pain of experiencing child abuse often have the most compassionate hearts for abused children, so it makes sense that they would want to provide the safe and loving home to an adopted child that they, themselves, never enjoyed.

Unfortunately, if you are parenting an abused child and were abused yourself, you are going to run into some issues along the way. Some issues that your adopted child has to deal with are going to trigger issues in you. This will put you in the position of needing to nurture your abused child while you also nurture yourself.

It is normal for adult survivors of child abuse to feel triggered whenever they are faced with something that reminds them of the trauma that they suffered.

Trauma Thursday: Traumatized Children and Ignorant Church Folk

Submitted by FaithA on Thu, 06/12/2008 - 08:03

Chapel (c) Lynda BernhardtIf you adopted a traumatized child, be very careful about the messages that your traumatized adopted child receives from your religious organization about his experiences. While there are some very wonderful church folks out there who will be supportive, there is also a lot of ignorance in some churches. You need to protect your traumatized adopted child from that ignorance.

Let me be clear that I do not mean to bash all religious organizations. In fact, my own therapist, who is wonderful, works for a Methodist Counseling Center. He is an experienced therapist with a psychology degree, so he had the qualifications to provide me with psychotherapy to help me work through my trauma issues arising from a history of severe child abuse.

That being said, I have also come across numerous “counselors” within organized religions who have no business counseling anyone about the aftereffects of trauma.

Summer Therapy Camps

Submitted by JulieC on Fri, 04/11/2008 - 14:27

After getting the latest email of my oldest son’s grades, I was instantly dismayed and defeated to see that his Biology grade has dropped once again, and sadly cannot drop any lower as it is now an ‘F.’ His plans on taking next year’s English class over the summer so that he could take a special computer course during school next year have now been derailed, as we search