A reader wants to know about 504 accommodations for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I have covered this topic a few times, which you can read about here:

• Special Needs Adoption: IEP Versus 504 Plan
• IEP and 504 Plans for the Adopted Child with Special Needs
• Trauma Thursday: Does PTSD or RAD Qualify for a 504 Plan?

As I shared before, my own sister has a 504 plan in place for PTSD at the college level. She is intelligent and clearly knows all of the material being discussed in the classroom. However, if she takes a test in a crowded room, she will fail miserably. The reason is that, thanks to the PTSD, she does not feel “safe” unless she can identify the origin of every noise around her. So, each time another student clears his throat or drops her pencil, my sister’s focus moves to assessing the origin of the noise instead of the test. As a result, she fails the test. The college gave her 504 accommodations for a private testing room, and she now does well on all of her tests.

A reader wants to know how to protect his adopted children from their abusive biological mother. The focus of the blog entry is limited to abusive biological birth parents and should not be applied to situations that do not involve some form of abuse.

The best way to protect your adopted children from their abusive biological mother is to cut off all contact with her. Do not agree to an open adoption. (I understand that some social workers try to “force” these agreements as part of the adoption. Don’t agree to it.) Change your phone to an unlisted number. Move away if you have to. Do whatever you have to do to keep your adopted children safe.

While some people might not be supportive of your decision, anyone who understands trauma knows that severing all ties with an abuser is best for the child. For whatever reason, Western culture purports that maintaining contact between a mother and her child is always in the child’s best interest. That is a lie, and I know this firsthand.

Yesterday, I blogged about a disturbing news story: Birth Mother Imprisoned for Raping 14-Year-Old Birth Son. This news story is a perfect example of one area of adoption in which I vehemently disagree with many adoption experts (social workers, etc.). Many adoption experts will tell you that adoptive parents should never speak unkindly about a birth parent around the birth child. Some will even go as far as to say that adoptive parents should look for positive traits to talk about, even when the child’s birth parent severely abused the child.

Speaking as an adult survivor of child abuse, that advice is terrible and is potentially damaging to the abused child and can even impede your ability to bond with your abused foster or adopted child. Let’s take this case for example. This 14-year-old boy’s birth mother found him through Facebook. She reached out to him and offered him a relationship. The boy likely expected to find another mother – another woman who loved him and would always take care of him. Instead, she raped him at least twice.

Do you really think that this traumatized boy needs to hear, “I know she raped you, but she cared enough about to you try to contact you” or “I am sure she is a good person when she is not raping you”?

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a big deal, right? You will probably be surprised to learn that many people who have been diagnosed with PTSD have a very difficult time accepting this about themselves. I truly did not even believe that I had PTSD because I believed that my abuse “wasn’t that bad” and that others had it worse than I did.

I remember the day my therapist told me that I had a diagnosis of PTSD. I didn’t understand why he had “PTSD” written at the top of a white board with a bunch of familiar symptoms listed below it. Yes, I could relate to those symptoms, but I didn’t have something that serious, did I? Incredulously, I asked him if he really believed that I had PTSD. I remember his understated head nod in response. I was floored!

Why do many people with PTSD resist accepting the gravity of their diagnosis? It all ties into the survival instinct. No abused child can risk falling into despair, so abused children find ways to keep on going while living in a hopeless situation. One way they do this is by minimizing their experience. If the abuse “isn’t that bad,” then they can continue to endure. If they accept the reality – that they are completely helpless to stop the abuse from happening – then they lose the will to keep on fighting to survive.