On Trauma Tuesday, I shared a video about child sexual abuse. Today, I would like to share another video by the same person on the aftermath of childhood sexual abuse.

Have you noticed that your adopted children who were abused and/or traumatized prior to adoption seem to have a higher incidence of asthma than other children do? I have noticed over the years that children new to my home tend to get sick frequently, especially during the first year of placement. While I hadn’t thought about asthma specifically, shortly after becoming a foster parent I became the owner of a nebulizer. Over the last 14 years, that nebulizer has had quite a workout, so I suppose there is something to it. New research in Puerto Rico indicates that children who have suffered sexual and/or physical abuse have double the average risk of developing asthma. In Boston, Harvard Medical School’s Dr. Juan C. Celedon and his colleagues want pediatricians to screen victims of child abuse automatically for asthma. More importantly, they want pediatricians to be aware that children with asthma may have suffered, or be victims of, child abuse.

Unfortunately, many people who adopt older Russian children from orphanages in that country end up disrupting the adoption or at least considering it. I am well aware that well-intentioned families are totally unprepared for the serious behaviors that attachment issues and FAS can cause. These American families think they are rescuing a child from an orphanage, and in fact, they are. However, without significant training in attachment issues, they are unprepared for the anger, disrespect, and ungrateful attitude that surfaces after the language barrier is broken.

I agree totally, that these children should be grateful, someday, and when they are adults, they might be. However, because they are traumatized children, they cannot think this through. They are doing their best to survive and reestablish the chaos they are used to. That is why so many consider disrupting their adoptions of a Russian or other internationally adopted older child.

Over on one of our polls, an interesting discussion has been going on regarding the importance of structure when parenting a traumatized adopted child. John made some good points in this discussion that I would like to elaborate upon:

Angela, the problem part of that approach seems to be an intentional lack of structure. Huggy touchy feely, is great and a key part of what is needed, but will not convey safety, or reliability to a damaged child, safe has to come first. Unfortunately, kids who come from foster care desperately need structure. They measure you against, can that person keep me safe? For them, that means considerable structure that you don't set aside, no matter what. If you don't get to safe, all the huggy in the world will just bounce off the defensive shield. John

PS With some kids, you don't get to safe, just as Linny talks about.