Tina Tyra has been a facilitator since 1991, with a background in the medical and legal fields before that. While working in Labor and Delivery for 5 years, she was trained as a neo-natal bereavement counselor. Having had her own pregnancy losses - including a late term fetal demise - she felt compelled to help families cope with the aftermath of losing a baby. She now believes that this was no accident. This experience has helped her to understand the aching empty arms of a birth mother and the grief of a family who has suffered the loss of a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, or potential child due to infertility. Dr. Suess said it best..."A person is a person -- no matter how small". A woman who gives birth, whether in her heart or with her body, is no less a mother.

First, if you are working with a facilitator, they should be registered and bonded.

1. A good facilitator would not match you with a birth mom who is in a state that doesn't allow facilitators and shouldn't be working there anyway. When working with a facilitator, you have your own attorney as well, so you should be able to clarify fairly easily if you are able to work with a particular birth mom situation.

2. There are a few facilitators who do business as a "third party" broker, which is questionable as far as I am concerned. A reliable, legitimate facilitator should not just be passing on high-priced situations from agencies. That defeats the purpose. A facilitator should work with you to find you a good situation in a compatible state and should advertise accordingly. I don't pass on third party situations and I can't imagine anyone paying 30-40-50K for any situation.

Shelia Davis and her wonderful husband are the adoptive parents of three children through domestic private infant adoption. Their youngest child was diagnosed with autism when he began missing milestones. They have had to learn many new parenting techniques to help their son. Shelia is the founder of Heaven Sent Adoption Services, Inc. She strives to help women with unplanned pregnancies make informed decisions about parenting or placing their babies. She encourages all of her potential adoptive parents to research and engage in open loving adoptions. She notes that, “Adoption is very personal to me as I am the sister of two brothers through adoption, the mother of three children through adoption, a friend to three birth parents through adoption, a child of God through adoption and a director of a licensed adoption agency.”

In response to a heated discussion that included this question: "Is a referral service basically a consultant, sort of like a wedding planner? My understanding is that facilitators are illegal in some states, like Florida. "

Shelia writes the following: First off - it is just a "title" as to what they call themselves and I don't think the words matter at all....it's the way they work, their ethics, the money they charge and who oversees their practice's that are more important.

There are both good and bad Facilitators and Referral Services -

1. They are both small businesses having ONLY a business licenses and not overseen by the courts or the government like a child placing agency or attorney is.

2. They can charge whatever they like because they are not accountable to a court system for their revenues like an agency or attorney is.

3. They are not required to have trained social workers or counselors to provide services to you or the Expectant mothers.

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

 

Can an 11 year old daughter be adopted without the consent of an imprisoned natural birthmother. She [the mother] received papers stating that the birth father had already consented. The birthmother had joint custody before going into prison. She has never received any papers stating she lost custody. Now she has only twenty days to react on adoption papers served to her in prison. I know this child will want to be with her natural mother when she gets paroled in December. The adoption is in Texas, the birthmother is in prison in Michigan.

 

Signed,

As the world turns...?

 

Dear As the world turns,

Let me first state that we are not members of the BAR, nor should you consider this response as a replacement for qualified legal representation. In fact, I do suggest that this mother request a lawyer. Now that we have that out of the way, several factors could make this possible. When a parent is imprisoned for two or more years, the state can interpret that extended parental absence as a lack of stability and permanence for children involved. If the family court involved in this particular child’s case has made such a ruling then the parental rights of the mother may have been terminated by the court to provide permanency for the child. This has happened to other imprisoned parents, so it may be a factor. However, the only details we have are those provided in your letter, so we cannot be sure.

In case you are wondering, foster parenting does not end the day your foster child graduates from high school, turns 18, or ages out of the system. If you parented your foster child for any length of time, you may be in for a lifetime relationship. At least that is how it is for me. I foster teenage girls but a few have arrived here as young as 11 years. The girls I get are usually state wards, meaning they are not going home, so I usually keep them until they graduate. After they leave home as adults, they call periodically, stop by to visit, and get some grandma time. Surprisingly, even the ones who left angry, eventually mature and come back. Last week, a young woman called who left my home about four years ago. Actually, I have not spoken to her in several months. She was quite upset because her baby’s daddy does not want her to make an adoption plan for their unborn child.