Many people have the misconception that a newborn baby has no adjustment period. That is incorrect. Even though a newborn baby has just entered into the world, he still has adjustments to make that go beyond the typical adjustment of any other newborn baby.

Different Sounds

One of the biggest adjustments is to the differences in sounds. A newborn baby is familiar with his birth mother’s voice. After he is born and placed into the arms of his adoptive parents, that familiar voice is absent. In addition, other prenatal sounds that the baby heard from the womb are missing and have been replaced by other sounds. The adopted baby needs time to adjust to those new sounds.

Grief of Losing Birth Mother

A baby bonds with his mother while he is still in the womb. This is evidenced by the way that newborn babies respond to the sound of their mother’s voices differently than they do to any other voice. When the baby is separated from his birth mother, he experiences the loss of the first person he loved from when he was still in the womb. While most adopted newborn babies are able to recover from this grief and bond with their adoptive mothers, this comes after the baby grieves the loss of his birth mother.

Easing the Transition From Birth Mother to Adoptive Mother

There are some things you can do to ease an adopted baby’s transition from birth mother to adoptive mother.

Permit the Adopted Baby to Rest

The most important thing to remember during the transition from birth mother to adoptive mother is that the adopted baby needs plenty of rest. Most new mothers are just as exhausted from the birthing process as the baby is, so both spend a lot of time sleeping during the baby’s first few weeks of life. However, the adoptive mother’s body is not having to recovering from the birthing process, so an adoptive mother is unlikely to be as tired as the adopted baby is.

It is very important that new adoptive parents respect a new adopted baby’s need for rest. While it can be tempting to show off your new baby to multiple friends and relatives, make the baby’s rest-time a priority. Being born takes a lot out of a little baby. Give his body time to recover from the birthing process.

Use Consistent Formula

If possible, find out what formula the hospital fed to the adopted baby before the baby joined your home. Then, purchase the same formula to feed the adopted baby, at least in the early weeks. If you feed your adopted baby a completely different type of formula, you can upset his stomach.

That being said, pay attention to how your adopted baby’s body is reacting to the formula. Some babies need a more gentle formula, such as a soy-based formula instead of a milk-based formula. Talk with a pediatrician if your adopted baby continues to have issues with stomach upset.

Provide Lots of Love

Showering your new adopted baby with affection is the most important part of easing the transition from birth mother to adoptive mother. See Facilitating Attachment below for tips on facilitating the bonding process.

Realistic Expectations

Becoming a new parent drives home the life lesson that we cannot be in complete control of the world around us. Some new adoptive parents believe that they can maintain the same schedule that they always had and the baby will just slide right into that schedule. This rarely happens. A new baby is his own person with his own needs. A certain amount of flexibility is needed as you add a new family member to your home.

As mentioned above, new babies need lots of rest. Some new adoptive parents are so excited about finally having a baby that they exhaust an already tired baby. In the first few weeks of life, a new baby needs lot of sleep and does not need to be moved from one place to another as you show off your new family member to your family and friends.

Also, like any other new baby, your adopted baby’s immune system has not yet fully developed. Exposure to even a minor virus can lead to big complication with your baby’s immature immune system. Limit your new baby’s exposure to lots of germs by keeping him safe at home to the extent possible.

Facilitating Attachment

There are many things that you can do to facilitate attachment with your adopted baby. While this process will not prevent the baby from grieving the loss of his birth mother, it will greatly help your baby to attach to you and embrace you as his mother.

Breastfeeding the Adopted Baby

Some new adoptive mothers choose to breastfeed their adopted babies. While breastfeeding an adopted baby is not necessary to facilitate attachment, it can definitely help the process along. See Adoptive Breast Feeding Resources for more information on breastfeeding the adopted baby.

Eye Contact During Feedings

Babies can only focus on objects that are about 9 to 12 inches away, which is exactly the distance between a baby who is nursing at his mother’s breast and his mother’s face. Mother Nature knows the importance of a baby becoming familiar with his mother’s face and set it up so that a baby will associate the mother’s face with the comfort of nourishment.

While most adoptive mothers do not choose to breastfeed an adopted baby, you can still feed your baby in a way that holds him near your breasts and provides him with a clear view of your face as you feed him. As he eats, make eye contact with him while you talk gently to him. By making eye contact with your adopted baby regularly, you will facilitate the bonding process.

Holding Baby During Feedings

Some people prop babies up in their cribs with their bottles so they can get other things done while the baby eats. Do not do this. To facilitate attachment with your adopted baby, hold her while she eats. Do not lay her flat on her back because this position can lead to ear infections. Instead, cradle her with her head near your breast so she can see your face while she is eating.

Holding Baby Throughout the Day

Hold your adopted baby frequently throughout the day. Your baby needs lots of reassurance that he is safe and that you will always be there to meet his needs, even though his birth mother is not. Lots of skin-on-skin contact will facilitate the attachment process. Err on the side of holding the baby too much.

Talking to Baby Throughout the Day

Talk to your adopted baby throughout the day. Tell him how much you love him. Explain what you are doing as you go about your day. Your baby was born into the world familiar with another woman’s voice. The more you talk to your adopted baby, the faster he will find comfort in your voice and be able to grieve the loss of his birth mother’s voice.

Introducing Your Adopted Baby to the Family and Community

Resist the urge to parade your new adopted baby all over town. Newborn babies have immature immune system. Exposing a new baby to so many people and places can compromise him immune system and sent him straight back to the hospital. It is not worth the risk.

Also, newborn babies needs lots of rest, so do not allow family and friends to keep waking the baby and passing him around. Your baby’s needs come first, not your family and friend’s desire to see and hold the baby.

When you are ready to introduce your adopted baby to your family and the community, make sure that anyone who touches your baby first washes his hands. Follow the instructions provided in any parenting book for introducing your baby to the world.

Returning to Work

Returning to work can be a real challenge after your adopted baby enters your home. If your place of employment is large enough to be covered by the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA), then you may take up to thirteen weeks off to tend to your adopted baby. However, the FMLA does not require employers to pay you for this time.

Some employers do not understand why adoptive mothers need to take time off from work for an adopted baby. After all, your body did not just go through the child-birthing process. What they fail to realize is that a baby needs his mother. Also, it is very difficult to find a daycare center that will take a baby that is under six weeks of age. Most importantly, it is not safe to expose a baby who is under six week old to the germs in a daycare center.

The process for selecting childcare and easing your adopted baby into the place you select is similar to the process for any other baby, so you can refer to the instructions provided in any parenting book for advice on this topic.