While many people assume that most adoptive couples have fertility problems, in actuality many have suffered losses, often multiple, such as stillbirth and miscarriage. The emotional trauma and devastation that often accompany these losses often leads to adoption because:

a. the individual or couple has been advised not to try biological birth again for health reasons
b. the individual or couple does not want to chance going through the trauma of yet another loss

Things to Consider

Every loss suffered needs to be resolved emotionally as best as possible. Adoption of another child will not “replace” the lost child. No child can replace another. If the parent who has suffered the loss consciously or subconsciously thinks that their sorrow and sadness will disappear instantly when they have a new child, they are setting themselves up for possible depression and even more sadness.

It is also unfair to expect any child to replace or fill the role of another child. Those types of expectations are overwhelming and intimidating. Additionally, the child living under the shadow of expectations may find it hard to just be themselves. 

Steps to Take Before Adopting

it would be wise to see a mental health care specialist to receive feedback on your readiness to adopt. Working through painful and often unresolved issues of guilt and frustration as a result of your loss, will help facilitate a smooth and successful adoption process. 

If you have a partner or husband, verify that they are ready for adoption as well. A reluctant spouse/partner will make the process difficult and unpleasant.