Adoption Under One Roof - Comments for "Trauma Thursday: Is an Abused Child Ever Fully “Over” the Abuse?"

All of you have said such

All of you have said such profound things that carry over to parts of everyone's lives. Thank you for that.

Observation

Four of my five sons who came home from foster care through adoption are old enough and have enough years since comming home to make some observations. They are 38, 24, 21, and 19, they came home from 6 to 25 years ago. Each suffered considerable abuse.

None are 'normal' in terms of no effect from the abuse. Each has dealt with it to the degree they needed to, but we never went into it with the idea that we could erase it, or make it as though it never happened. They accept that they never should have had to live through that, and that they did not deserve it. They know that it does affect how they see the world, but know they do just fine as real people.

Thanks Faith

I'm glad this comment was an encouragement to you. Do you ever watch the show "Life"? On (maybe) the first season there was this episode about a kid who had been kidnapped, locked up his whole life, and raised by this nut job. They managed to rescue the kid who was a teen at the time. One of the last scenes is where the guy who plays the male lead takes this kid up to the roof to sit in the emergency helicopter and talk. I wish I could go back and watch it again, but he basically tell the kid, "You will never be like other people. You can be OK with that." He knew because he had spent several years in prison for a murder he didn't commit and it scarred him for life. Anyhow, I haven't seen much of the show, so I can't endorse it, but the couple of episodes I watched, I enjoyed. It made me think of this whole topic, which I tend to think about nearly every day.

Will share you comment on my personal blog

Hey, Scraps ... I found your comment to be so profound that I will be posting it on my personal blog on Monday. I have a lot of readers (adult survivors of child abuse) who will benefit from your words. Thank you so much for this comment.

Take care,

- Faith

++++++++++

We must BE the change we wish to see in the world. - Ghandi

Such great advice!

Scraps,

Thanks your for that wonderful advice. I really needed to hear that as I face this myself.

As you can probably tell, I have been living my life. However, I have put too much energy into beating myself up for not "being there" yet while living my life. I am ready to stop feeding that negative energy and, instead, embrace the life that I have, not the one that I wish I had.

Take care,

- Faith

++++++++++

We must BE the change we wish to see in the world. - Ghandi

Who wins

The problem I see is not that abuse and trauma leaves lifelong scars, but that it keeps people from living their lives. Many smart people spend their whole life chasing after "normal". They think that they will begin living when they finally achieve that, and get on the other side of their issues. So sad to discover that life has passed them by while they work and wait.

Personally, I feel better with the hard reality that "You will never be like people who didn't have to go through this. Don't waste your life trying to be." This is what I tell myself, and this is what I tell my adopted children. I tell them, you will deal with your crap over and over again. At every major stage of life it will crop up, and you will have to come to terms with it. Expect it, and do the hard work. And never put your life on hold while you do.

The only way abusers win, is when they steal our lives. We don't have to let that happen.