International adoption

Adoption is the Only Hope for Many of the Children of Haiti

LisaS — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 07:45:03 -0500

If you are considering the adoption of a child through intercountry adoption, look no further than Haiti, a mere 600 miles east of Florida, where over 70% of the 8,000,000 population is children, many of them orphans living in the most horrible conditions imaginable. Haiti is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere, and things are not getting any better. With no source of fuel and over 95% of the country deforested, 85% of the population are unemployed and trying to survive by growing enough food to feed their families.

Over 70% of the population live below poverty level, and 10% of the population will die before the age of 4. And if that isn’t bad enough, 300,000 – 400,000 of the children, often as young as 4 years old, are enslaved, many being sold to the Dominican Republic as prostitutes and cheap labor.

UNICEF has documented the plight of the children of Haiti, but is still staunchly anti-intercountry adoption.

Dear Adoption Maharishi - My Adopted Child is up All Night!

Adoption_Maharishi — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 09:18:39 -0500

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

We adopted our 14 month old son from Vietnam over two months ago, and he is still not sleeping well at night. Sometimes my husband and I are up over ten times during the night trying to get him back to sleep. I have to return to work in a couple weeks. How can I get my child to start sleeping?

Tired Mommy"

Dear Tired Mommy,

First of all, congratulations on your adoption! With adoption from Vietnam now closed, you must be grateful and relieved that you succeeded in completing your adoption and bringing your son home. Now, back to your question. When we bring home a baby or toddler, their whole life is turned upside down. Even though they are not yet speaking, they are already tuned into their own language, which you may or may not speak. They are used to different sounds and completely different surroundings. I believe they go through a grieving process, and it often manifests itself during the night.

You didn’t mention how he was doing during the day, or how the attachment process was going, but the fact that your son is not sleeping well at night is not at all unusual for a newly adopted child; as a matter of fact it is probably the norm. But I’d also like to suggest that your rule out any physical problems. Your son might have an ear infection that is waking him up, or perhaps reflux. Talk to your pediatrician and make sure your son has a thorough physical.

When your son wakes up at night, for whatever reason, he wants to know that you are there. By responding to his needs, you are proving to him that he can trust you. Therefore it is very important that you do not let him cry it out or be alone when he wakes up. That would be detrimental to your relationship with him and his development.

Adoption Closed in Vietnam, Time Running out for Adoption Cases Stuck in Guatemala, Hope for Ethiopian Children with HIV

LisaS — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 18:43:37 -0500

It seems like just yesterday that adoption from Vietnam reopened and families were eagerly anticipating the day they could bring home children to love and parent. In 2007, 828 children were adopted from Vietnam and in 2006, 163, after adoptions from Vietnam were closed between 2004-5. But now the adoption agreement between the U.S. and Vietnam has expired, and the program closed indefinitely because of an inability to resolve disagreements over fraud and corruption. When adoptions reopened in 2006, immoral and greedy people eager to make fast money attached themselves to the adoption process in Vietnam, apparently abducting children who were not available for adoption. Now approximately 1700 American families are left in limbo, even though Vietnamese officials claim they will complete the adoptions of families who are already matched with a child.

Of course, the baby is being thrown out with the bathwater, because there is no shortage of children in Vietnam needing homes. But this is the way it always happens in the intercountry adoption world - reforms cannot seem to be made without stopping the process, at the price of making children suffer. Adoption from Vietnam did not create orphans; there have always been orphans in Vietnam who need forever families. But officials in third world countries have a hard time curbing corruption, and with no organizations like UNICEF willing to help facilitate transparent adoptions, ultimately the door to adoption closes.

As Usual, UNICEF is Full of Crap

LisaS — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 09:47:25 -0500

It has been a while since I’ve mentioned UNICEF, an organization which supposedly has the well being of children in mind, but instead spreads ignorance and lies, and works diligently at halting intercountry adoption. Here is their latest load of crap:

The international adoption business in Nepal has created a culture of child abuse including the abduction, trafficking and sale of children.”

You read it – adoption is the culprit.

Ukraine Adoption Statistics

AngelaW — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 00:46:41 -0500

I adopted my darling Natasha from Ukraine in 2000. She was 3.5 years old. This is a picture of her at that time. You can see her crossed eyes in the picture. They were fixed with 45 minutes of eye surgery after she came home. This type of surgery just wasn't possible in Ukraine in 2000.

Natasha is now 11 years old and has collected other labels; ADHD, dyslexia, sensory integration disorder. She has a great IEP and is doing well in school. She just started 5th grade.

For some reason, the beginning of the school year got me to thinking about Ukrainian adoption. So I took a look at Ukrainian adoption statistics. All these numbers are provided by the U.S. Office of Immigration Statistics. I love statistics. I think they provide a nice framework for conversation.

Dear Adoption Maharishi: Continuation of answer to: If we adopt a special needs child, do we "owe" it to them to be their custod

Adoption_Maharishi — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 19:22:34 -0500

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

DH and I are considering (really, in the early stages of considering) a special needs adoption. Specifically, the adoption of a child with limited mental capacity. In other words, this child, even as an adult, would not be expected to be able to care for her own needs. It's a sensitive question, but one that I'm wondering about. What plans do other adoptive parents make for their special needs children? As a special educator myself, I know that residential homes can be a good option for both parent and child, but I feel in my heart that I would be reluctant to place my child in a home. On the other hand, although we ADORE the adopted children we have now, DH and I are very much looking forward to time alone together, to a quiet home and mutual interests and exploring on vacation together and so on once the kids have flown the coop. If we adopt a special needs child, do we "owe" it to them to be their custodial parent forever? What happens when we pass on? When a couple gives birth to a special needs child, the dye is already cast. If an adoptive couple adopts a child, who is later found to have special needs, again, the dye is already cast. But in this instance, we would be CHOOSING a child who does not have the ability to move into a completely independent life-style as an adult. What do other adoptive parents in this situation do?

So what do you think?

Concerned Mom

Dear Concerned Mom,

Last week, I addressed half of this loaded question and promised to finish addressing it this week. Thank you for taking the time to pose a question that many people may have and yet do not know who or how to ask. Again, I’d like to reiterate that it takes a special kind of family to parent this type of special needs child. When choosing to parent a child with a very low IQ you are choosing to make some kind of lifetime parenting commitment to that child. Even if you choose to place the child in adult foster care at some point, and assign guardianship to the county, you will still feel obligated to ensure the child’s safety and wellbeing periodically.

There is some risk involved in placing your learning disabled (LD) child in an adult foster care home when chronological adulthood is achieved. These homes are not like a prison with guards watching over the adults. Many learning disabled adults are able to maintain jobs at places like Goodwill Industries while living in adult foster care. They may ride the city bus to and from work, to go shopping, and to hang out with their friends. You cannot force birth control on these adults so some end up giving birth. Many of these babies end up in foster care; they cannot live with the LD parent in adult foster care. There have also been cases of LD adults having sexual relations with employees of the adult foster care homes. These are not issues that parents like to think about in advance.

Adopted Child Biracial or Have Super Curly Nappy Hair

FosterMommy — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 18:45:12 -0500

Does this sound like you and your child every morning? Help! My child has crazy hair. When she wakes up in the morning, her hair is so nappy that a comb can’t make it through an inch. She yells and cries every morning when I try to do something with her hair, which isn’t much. If your child has hair that is super curly and sometimes nappy then you know what I mean. There are some Caucasian children with hair that curly, but usually it is from African heritage in their gene pool. If your child is biracial, the hair might be fine and relatively straight, if it is, lucky you, see my blog on “How to Care for Caucasian or Caucasian-type hair" for tips. However, if your child has super curly and sometimes nappy hair, continue reading.

How to Care for Caucasian or Caucasian-type Hair

FosterMommy — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 21:17:12 -0500

If your child has hair that is fine, and relative straight, then you can use any hair products intended for Caucasian hair. This is true even if your child is biracial but has Caucasian-type hair. To wash Caucasian hair you use about a teaspoon of shampoo such as Pantene, Suave, or Herbal Essence. Scrub the scalp of the head with your fingers or use the bristles of a medium soft brush to scrub the scalp for about a minute, then rinse thoroughly. If you are washing a baby’s head, those plastic fingernail brushes they use in the newborn nursery work great for scrubbing the scalp. Stimulating the scalp in this manner helps to prevent cradle cap on babies and anyone older too.

Dear Adoption Maharishi: If we adopt a special needs child, do we "owe" it to them to be their custodial parent forever?

Adoption_Maharishi — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 11:50:51 -0500

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

“DH and I are considering (really, in the early stages of considering) a special needs adoption. Specifically, the adoption of a child with limited mental capacity. In other words, this child, even as an adult, would not be expected to be able to care for her own needs. It's a sensitive question, but one that I'm wondering about. What plans do other adoptive parents make for their special needs children? As a special educator myself, I know that residential homes can be a good option for both parent and child, but I feel in my heart that I would be reluctant to place my child in a home. On the other hand, although we ADORE the adopted children we have now, DH and I are very much looking forward to time alone together, to a quiet home and mutual interests and exploring on vacation together and so on once the kids have flown the coop. If we adopt a special needs child, do we "owe" it to them to be their custodial parent forever? What happens when we pass on? When a couple gives birth to a special needs child, the dye is already cast. If an adoptive couple adopts a child, who is later found to have special needs, again, the dye is already cast. But in this instance, we would be CHOOSING a child who does not have the ability to move into a completely independent life-style as an adult. What do other adoptive parents in this situation do?

So, what do you think?

Concerned Mom

My Children Are Different

GuestBlogger — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 09:59:47 -0500

Our guestblogger today is Dee Thompson, a paralegal and writer who lives in Atlanta. She adopted her daughter Alesia from Russia in 2004, at age 13 She had met Alesia when her choir sang at the orphanage in 2003. She adopted her son Michael from Kazakhstan in April 2007, when he was 10. [Dee wrote a book called Jack's New Family, to help Michael make the transition to an American family. It's in Russian and English. Available on Amazon.]. Michael was beaten by a gang of boys at age 5 and left to die. He lost his right hand due to frostbite. Both children are now healthy and happy. Dee writes a blog called “The Crab Chronicles,” to give the world a picture of her family and encourage people, by example, to adopt older kids. Her struggles are similar, yet different to most families who adopt older children from orphanages.

I worry sometimes about my 17-year-old daughter Alesia [adopted from Russia at age 13] and school friends telling her things. She is still so naive, unsophisticated, and trusting. I've had to tell her over and over that when she turns 18 next year she will still have 2 years of high school and she will need to live here with us. Friends at school and possibly even some ignorant adults tell her things like "Oh when you're 18 you can do what you want. You'll be an adult." I just want to slap people like that because they do not understand.