When Adoptive Parents Disagree: In Defense of “Steamrolling” to Adopt

FaithA — Mon, 19 May 2008 14:40:50 -0500

In my blog entry The Adoption Process And The Reluctant Spouse, I said:

When the drive to become a mother consumes you, it can be easy to move into “steamroller” mode when the husband is seen as the obstacle to the end goal. – Faith

This generated some comments that I would like to address:

The idea that mom is wonderful because she is about to totally obsess on a new baby is dead wrong. It does eliminate hubby, and he is right to say we do what we do together or we can't be together. - John

The Adoption Process And The Reluctant Spouse

FaithA — Fri, 16 May 2008 14:31:29 -0500

On my post, Contrasting "Juno" With My Own Domestic Infant Adoption Experience, Snafu Suz wrote the following comment:

As for the adoptive dad [in the movie “Juno” ], I think he got a bad rap in the movie. His wife accuses him of being immature and I don't think that was fair. He had a talent and passion for music and she discredits that by saying he wants to be Kurt Cobain. She basically runs the whole show and, as he says in one scene, his life is reduced to boxes in the basement. I felt sorry for his character when I think most people felt sorry for his wife. I think it's true that one person may drive adoption more than the other, but that's a bit different than steamrolling your spouse into doing something they really don't want to do. - Snafu Suz

I think her observations are accurate, but I would like to elaborate.

marriage and adoption

When Adoptive Parents Disagree: In Defense of “Steamrolling” to Adopt

The Adoption Process And The Reluctant Spouse