Hanna is 24 and has been working with children since she was a child. She and her husband have been married for seven years and she recently finished a BS in Early Childhood Development. Her husband is a computer guru who has a gift for working with troubled kids. They are currently in the process of getting licensed for foster care and being placed with an 11 year old girl, whom they are planning to adopt.

The ironic thing is that when you get married at 17 many people assume that there is a baby involved. Seven years later, we are one of the last couples we know who do not have at least one child. I found out yesterday that one of my best friends from high school and his wife are expecting their first child, after only being married one year. Last week I found out that my stepbrother and his new bride got pregnant on their honeymoon at the beginning of July. I wish I knew how to be happy for them. I wish I knew how to keep these announcements from sending me into a whirlwind of emotions that I can’t do anything about, except pray…a lot.

My husband can’t quite understand why doing foster care is so important to me. I try to tell him that these feelings, these instincts are just sitting there, driving me crazy, and that my motherliness has to get out somehow. He still doesn’t and probably never will understand, but he understands that it is something I need to do, and at least he recognizes that these kids need his love as well.

I am asking for every religious or spiritual person to stand up. You need to be heard. Heck, everyone needs to stand up for their religious rights. This includes you... Ms. Agnostic and Mr. Atheist. If you are breathing and understand some history you should be pissed off.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services published 45 CFR Part 88. This is the first step to create new regulations that will could impact the health care of every female in the United States.

The summary makes it sound like a very good thing.

Ensuring That Department of Health and Human Services Funds Do Not Support Coercive or Discriminatory Policies or Practices In Violation of Federal Law

But as I read the 12 pages of this proposed regulation, I got very angry. This regulation goes way too far. Its regulations discriminate against women who try to gain access to reproductive health services.

I need some advice about dealing with monthly menses of my foster daughter who has FAS. As you know, the Depo Provera shot is a relatively new form of birth control that us older folks didn’t have. Many teenagers really like it because it prevents their monthly periods for three months after each shot. Once every three months, women are to allow a regular menses and then have the shot to prevent another period for three more months. Depo Provera prevents the ovaries from releasing eggs by injecting a high level of progesterone and it is 97 to 99 percent effective as birth control. Many foster parents insist that their teenage foster daughters have the shot to prevent pregnancy. However, do you think it is advisable to use the shot to prevent periods when your foster daughter has hygiene care issues with her monthly menses?

How much does a domestic adoption cost in the United States in 2008? To answer this question I visited the sites of several adoption referral agencies that actually list the total adoption cost. These are estimates of what the adoption situations listed will cost. However, the people doing the estimates are very experienced.

They take into consideration any allowable birthmother expenses, medical cost not covered by insurance, counseling, agency, lawyer, and ICPC fees.The situations may specify ¨does not include travel¨, or ICPC, or ¨does not include finalization.¨ In those cases, potential adoptive parents need to add an allowance for these items to their adoption budget.

Actual situation details are not listed as they change as soon as the potential birthmother is matched with a potential adoptive family. However, some general information is given to help you estimate your funds needed to adopt a child domestically. This article is not an endorsement of any of these agencies. These agencies list cost and that is why they are being referenced. Understand that adoption is a financial risk.

Birthmothers can and do change their minds about placing their babies. A birthmother’s decision to parent is out of the control of the adoption agency. However, many agencies try hard to find rematch situations for potential adoptive parents who experience a failed adoption.

You must have an approved and current adoption homestudy to proceed with any adoption. Most agencies require you to have a homestudy to inquire about situations. The only type of adoption that does not require a homestudy is stepparent adoption.

Now Ma’am, if you would just calm down some, your child would not become so out of control. You are overreacting and scaring the poor darling. Children at this age need a little privacy and freedom from parenting. Is there anywhere she can go to let things cool down for a few days instead of the juvenile home? Look at her; she doesn’t belong there, why she looks like an eight year old.

Officer, before you give me parenting tips, you might want to check my child’s record. She was just released from the juvenile home last Monday. She is on house arrest and running away is a violation of her probation. She is actually 12 years old, and that was her third stay at the juvenile home. I need you to arrest this child for assault. I am pressing charges. You see the black eye that she gave me just before she threw her lunch across the kitchen? She wanted me to run to the store to get her a F*%$@&^ croissant for her sandwich and I wouldn’t do it.

Today's Guest Blogger is Jeanette Schnell. She has been a licensed foster parent in California for 16 years. She specializes in teen girls and teen moms. She started MWAS Productions and REALITYDENIED.COM in response to abuse she and her family have suffered while providing foster care for hard to place teens.

Well…. Last night as soon as we settled into our “afterglow,” I started to cry. Literally, cry and swallow my sobs while my husband, Scott lay there and ignored me. In my head I was railing about how much I missed this 18-year-old @%&* and “our sweet pea” and how unfair it all is. Allow me to digress, J, the 18-year-old, lived with us for 4 years, and we went through 4 years of foster parent hell with her. The first year she ran away 13 times, and each time I went to look for her at her boyfriends. She would hide in his closet or under his bed while his parents were gone. This 14-year-old would kiss us goodnight and then climb out her window and not be seen for 2 weeks at a time! The last time she ran away, I found her at Juvenile Hall, and found out she was pregnant. She came back “home” and we proceeded to prepare and support her and our family for the birth. Over the next 3 years, we continued to love and support her even through the happiest and unhappiest of circumstances, you know, regular foster parenting stuff; cutting school, more running away and leaving the baby with us, boys snuck into the house, theft, lying, etc. At this time last year, I though we were doing great. August is the anniversary of when our life with J and sweet pea began to unravel and we never even fully realized it. Is it a love like this that makes foster parents masochists? 

Faith talked about Adoption Agencies Taking Advantage of the Adoption Tax Credit. There is a strong belief in the adoption community that greedy folks (some adoption agencies, lawyers, etc..) decided to up their prices when the adoption tax credit was passed back in 1996. And when it was increased from $5,000 to $10,000 in 2002, there were more rumors about adoption agency price increases that matched the credit increase.

This credit was part of the The Small Business Job Protection Act of 1996 and it first applied to the 1997 tax year.

Dear Adoption Maharishi, 

DH and I are considering (really, in the early stages of considering) a special needs adoption. Specifically, the adoption of a child with limited mental capacity. In other words, this child, even as an adult, would not be expected to be able to care for her own needs. It's a sensitive question, but one that I'm wondering about. What plans do other adoptive parents make for their special needs children? As a special educator myself, I know that residential homes can be a good option for both parent and child, but I feel in my heart that I would be reluctant to place my child in a home. On the other hand, although we ADORE the adopted children we have now, DH and I are very much looking forward to time alone together, to a quiet home and mutual interests and exploring on vacation together and so on once the kids have flown the coop. If we adopt a special needs child, do we "owe" it to them to be their custodial parent forever? What happens when we pass on? When a couple gives birth to a special needs child, the dye is already cast. If an adoptive couple adopts a child, who is later found to have special needs, again, the dye is already cast. But in this instance, we would be CHOOSING a child who does not have the ability to move into a completely independent life-style as an adult. What do other adoptive parents in this situation do? 

So what do you think?

            Concerned Mom

Dear Concerned Mom,

Last week, I addressed half of this loaded question and promised to finish addressing it this week. Thank you for taking the time to pose a question that many people may have and yet do not know who or how to ask. Again, I’d like to reiterate that it takes a special kind of family to parent this type of special needs child. When choosing to parent a child with a very low IQ you are choosing to make some kind of lifetime parenting commitment to that child. Even if you choose to place the child in adult foster care at some point, and assign guardianship to the county, you will still feel obligated to ensure the child’s safety and wellbeing periodically.

There is some risk involved in placing your learning disabled (LD) child in an adult foster care home when chronological adulthood is achieved. These homes are not like a prison with guards watching over the adults. Many learning disabled adults are able to maintain jobs at places like Goodwill Industries while living in adult foster care. They may ride the city bus to and from work, to go shopping, and to hang out with their friends. You cannot force birth control on these adults so some end up giving birth. Many of these babies end up in foster care; they cannot live with the LD parent in adult foster care. There have also been cases of LD adults having sexual relations with employees of the adult foster care homes. These are not issues that parents like to think about in advance.

You accepted a foster placement last night, sight unseen. It was one of those middle of the night emergency placements. There was a preliminary CPS sob story, “Fostermommy, I’ve called every other foster family on the list and you are my last hope, can you please take this 15 year old child? I’m sure it will only be for a few weeks, maybe less. Her mom just has to obtain separate housing from a boyfriend.” Well, you’ve heard similar stories if you accept emergency placements. You know nothing about the child in advance, except the gender and possibly the age, although both have been known to be incorrect upon arrival. Foster children have also had their parents’ rights to them terminated after waiting two years for mom to obtain separate housing. It was a weak moment so you accepted the foster child placement. You let the poor darling sleep in after such a rough night and because she arrived so late. When the child finally wakes up the next afternoon, you realize that night and day have more in common than your family has with this child. Can you possibly make this foster child fit into your family?

Does this sound like you and your child every morning? Help! My child has crazy hair. When she wakes up in the morning, her hair is so nappy that a comb can’t make it through an inch. She yells and cries every morning when I try to do something with her hair, which isn’t much. If your child has hair that is super curly and sometimes nappy then you know what I mean. There are some Caucasian children with hair that curly, but usually it is from African heritage in their gene pool. If your child is biracial, the hair might be fine and relatively straight, if it is, lucky you, see my blog on “How to Care for Caucasian or Caucasian-type hair" for tips. However, if your child has super curly and sometimes nappy hair, continue reading.