Foster care

We Need Respite Care

JuliaFuller — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 21:45:36 -0600

Hubby is not usually affected by the day-to-day special antics of our teenage daughter who has multiple problems. However, he had some time off from working 14 hours a day, seven days a week, over the holidays to spend with the family. Usually, he thinks I am overreacting to her little escapes. Since he was around a bit more, she targeted him with some of her Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, behaviors. For an hour or so one of those days, he sounded just like me. Yesterday, he approached me privately and whispered, we need respite care, soon. He went on to say that, he thinks her medications are wrong and her behavior is wackier than ever. Of course, we just saw the psychiatrist on Monday for prescriptions, how timely.

Trauma Thursday: The “Perfect” Child

FaithA — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 07:15:04 -0600

When people think about parenting an abused child, they often fear the worst – drug addiction, defiance, etc. However, not every abused child falls under this umbrella. Many abused children go to the opposite extreme, seeking to be the “perfect” child.

Those who parent a “perfect” child might feel extremely blessed. These children are significantly easier to parent. They get straight A’s, never cause any trouble, and are completely obedient. In some ways, it can even be like parenting a Stepford child.

Many people make the mistake of believing that a “perfect” child has not been harmed by the abuse, but this assumption is way off base. The “perfect” child is just as broken as the defiant child, but people are unlikely to help the child heal because they do not see the wounds.

Trauma Tuesday: “Stuck” at a Younger Developmental Stage

FaithA — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 07:15:04 -0600

If you are parenting an adopted child who was abused, you might notice that the child seems to be “stuck” in a younger stage of development. I see this quite a bit with adult survivors of child abuse. An adult woman might wear little girl hair accessories and giggle like a child when she watches a Disney cartoon. Just because the body has aged does not necessarily mean that emotional maturity has taken place.

I suspect that the reason for this ties into the lost developmental stages experienced by abused children. Certain emotional needs were never met in childhood, so the abused child grows into an adult who still remains childlike in different areas of his or her life.

An adoptive parent or foster parent might notice that a teenager remains immature in different areas of his or her life. For example, a teenage girl might need to go to bed snuggling with a teddy bear every night. A teenage boy might show more interest in games that appeal to a seven-year-old child than to games intended for teens his own age.

Trauma Thursday: Telling the Adopted Child Painful Truths

FaithA — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 07:15:21 -0600

On Trauma Tuesday, I talked about the importance of believing your foster or adopted abused child when he tells you about traumas that he suffered. I also addressed a question that a reader posted about how to talk with the child about why his birth mother placed him for adoption but chose to parent his bio sibling.

Especially with foster adoption, adoptive parents are often put in the position of having to share painful truths with a child. However, this burden is not limited to foster adoption. For example, adoptive parents who adopted an infant through a private infant adoption might have to face telling a child that he was conceived through rape or incest.

Nobody likes to be the bearer of bad news, but it is our responsibility as foster or adoptive parents to share painful truths with our children when the adopted child is ready to process that information. The news is going to be painful no matter when and how the adopted child hears it, but we, as the adoptive parents, can present the information in a way that minimizes the pain and can provide the adopted child with a safe place to fall apart as he processes the news.

Guest Blog: Tyler’s Perceptions on Adoption

GuestBlogger — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 02:15:04 -0600

Hi, my name is Tyler, and I’m 12. I came home two months ago from foster care. I am adopted with my Dad. These are my feelings on adoption.

I was feeling a little scared at first like any kid would be. Yes moving from foster care is scary. Yeah, you get used to legal documents for everything, but then you don’t because its adoption, no more paperwork. I’m still in the adjustment period but I’m getting use to LA. I’m used to hearing a lot of bad things about the city of LA. Like downtown gangs and drug dealers, but our city isn’t like that at all. It’s very quiet, I mean If you go to a nearby city there’s some parts anybody would want to avoid but others that are fine. Yeah, it is scary with an adoption, so if any kids are reading this you are not the only one. Trust me millions of kids have been adopted and yes it is scary that is my conclusion. So far adoption has been hard and easy, but my Dad and brothers have dealt with it, and helped to put it behind us. I think adoption can be a wonderful thing, but you need to be matched up with the right family.

Dear Adoption Maharishi: What Does Title IV-E Eligibility Mean?

Adoption_Maharishi — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 02:15:04 -0600

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

“While looking through profiles of available children on state websites some say, “Title IV-E Eligible.” What does that mean - is it important?

Signed,

Searching

Dear Searching,

Title IV-E Eligibility refers to an available child’s eligibility for the federal adoption assistance or subsidy program. Adoption subsidy is a monthly stipend to assist adoptive families in providing for children with special needs. Children who are not Title IV-E may or may not be eligible for state or county support subsidy, and may not be eligible for continuing Medicaid coverage. Subsidy agreements are negotiated prior to finalizing an adoption, although a few states allow later negotiations. Negotiations may include monthly payments, ongoing Medicaid coverage, therapy, and some states allow respite care as well.

Guest Blog: From Starry Eyed Foster Parent to Prisoner in My Own Home

GuestBlogger — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 18:45:41 -0600

Bettina is a licensed foster parent in Maryland who recently received her first foster care placement, a teenage girl with anger management problems. Bettina became very frustrated at the lack of empathy and assistance from her licensing agency. The foster child became so unstable that the placement had to end abruptly. Bettina is a 36-year-old mother of an 18-year-old daughter who is away at college. She was a teen mother and I did not want her daughter to become pregnant early and alter her education path. As her daughter prepared for college, Bettina started the foster care training and was excited to welcome children and sibling groups of all ages into her home. She was especially focused on teen girls to help them nurture positive self-esteem and body image concepts.

I was up until 3 AM after this dramatic event, searching the internet for someone who had a similar experience so I would have some sense of direction. I was not getting any support or feedback from the agency and finally found Adoption Under One Roof.

I am new to the foster care system and I am already having a hard time getting assistance with my foster child. I have a teenage foster child who has been in my home almost 3 months. She is diagnosed with ADHD but her behaviors are more consistent with Bi-Polar disorder. Her worker is unresponsive or slow in getting back to me about my concerns. I have even gone to her supervisor and still received no assistance.

Trauma Tuesday: Importance of Believing Your Abused Child

FaithA — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 07:15:06 -0600

I have previously written about the importance of believing your abused child if he tells you about an abuse he suffered that was not included in his file when you fostered or adopted him. Unfortunately, the information that the social workers know could merely be the tip of the iceberg.

As your abused child begins to feel safe in your loving care, he might become ready to begin working through the traumas that he suffered while he was living in an abusive environment. He might have had no conscious memory of those abuses as they were taking place. This is a normal reaction to trauma.

A child is helpless and unable to stop the abuse. He must find a way to survive the abuse while appearing “normal” to the outside world. So, he dissociates the trauma and does not talk or think about it again until he is ready to begin healing.

Guest Blog: Negative Impact of Post Adoption Visits

GuestBlogger — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 20:11:23 -0600

Tia is a foster and adoptive parent. She adopted two children through foster care adoption. The agency insisted that she sign an agreement, Court Enforced Contact Agreement (ECA), to have contact with the birthmother after the adoption was finalized. The agency threatened to seek other adoptive parents for the children that Tia had already been parenting for three years if she refused to sign the agreement.

JulieC’s Site to See: Foster Club

JulieC — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 01:36:02 -0600

It has been a while since I have done a site to see, because quite frankly I haven’t stumbled across any wonderful new adoption related sites; that is until the wee hours of this morning, when I happened upon the site, Fosterclub.com.

Fosterclub.com is a supportive social networking site, for children who are in the foster care system. There is a section that lists famous foster children, inspiring children in the system not to give up, and proving that despite what they have been through, they can overcome it in time and achieve whatever it is their little heart's desire to achieve in life.

Speaking of achievements, the website also gives out achievement awards to foster children who have:

Raised their grades
Made honor roll, or honorable mention
Played on a school or community sports team
Done something good for their community
Performed in a play, had an article or poem they wrote published
Reached a goal that they had set for themselves