Older child adoption

Can My Learning Disabled Child Go to College Someday?

FosterMommy — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 20:21:07 -0600

When your child was diagnosed as LD, learning disabled, did you give up dreams of sending your child off to college? College or higher education may still be an option for your learning disabled adult child if you do some research. Not everyone who attends college receives a degree; some receive training, or certifications in trades. These certifications typically require less classroom time and some offer a lot less reading which appeals to many adults with LD. Some of the trades programs do not have set classroom hours. This flexibility may suit an LD adult who struggles with keeping track of time and schedules.

Trauma Thursday: How to Help Abused Child Deal With Orgasm During Sexual Abuse

FaithA — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 07:15:03 -0600

On Trauma Tuesday, I talked about a difficult topic: Trauma Tuesday: Orgasms during Rape and Sexual Abuse. See that blog entry for an explanation of how experiencing orgasms during rape and sexual abuse messes with a child’s head. In this blog entry, I am going to focus on how you, as the foster or adoptive parent, can help your abused adopted child heal the wounds that resulted from experiencing orgasms during sexual abuse.

1. Explain that having orgasms during rape or sexual abuse is normal.

Most adult survivors of sexual abuse are not aware that experiencing orgasms during sexual abuse is normal, so most abused children are not going to know this, either. Reassure your abused child that his body reacted just like anyone else’s body would have responded to sexual stimulation. He bears no shame in having experienced an orgasm while being sexually abused.

2. Tell your abused child that the sexual abuse was not her fault.

Even if the child experienced an orgasm with every single rape, the child was still not responsible for being raped.

Trauma Tuesday: Orgasms During Rape and Sexual Abuse

FaithA — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 07:15:04 -0600

Today I am going to talk about a very difficult topic. Those of you who read my blog regularly know that I do not shy away from the tough topics. Today’s topic is definitely a tough one: orgasms during rape and sexual abuse. Most people don’t want to think about orgasms during rape and sexual abuse, much less talk about it, but you need to be aware that this happens if you are parenting a child who has been sexually abused.

The ugly reality is that most children who are sexually abused or raped on a regular basis experienced an orgasm, anywhere from one time to multiple times, while they were being sexually abused. As you can imagine, experiencing an orgasm while being abused is confusing at best to an abused child. It causes the child to question whether he really liked the abuse after all and whether the abuse was his fault.

You, as the adoptive or foster parent, need to know that experiencing an orgasm during rape or sexual abuse is both normal and common.

Special Needs Adoptive Parenting - Children With Asthma

JuliaFuller — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 22:32:23 -0600

Over one million children under the age of five years and around seven million children under the age of 18 years have asthma, estimates The American Lung Association. Asthma is one of the leading causes of school absenteeism and childhood hospitalization. When asthma causes inflammation of the bronchial airways, they overreact. The result is an increase in mucus production, muscle contraction, and mucosal swelling. This produces symptoms of tightness in the chest, wheezing, and coughing. Special needs adoptive parenting of a child with asthma may be more common than you think. Children who have suffered trauma, sexual and/or physical abuse may have twice the average risk of developing asthma according to research recently completed in Puerto Rico.

Trauma Thursday: Flashbacks, Amnesia, and “Samantha Who?”

FaithA — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 07:15:03 -0600

I am a big fan of the television show Samantha Who?, which stars Christina Applegate as a “bad girl” who got hit by a car, lost her memory, and is now a “good girl” trying to figure out who she is. In each episode, the amnesiac Samantha experiences a flashback in which she remembers being an incredibly self-centered and mean person. The Samantha today is starry-eyed and sweet. Trying to merge together who Samantha was with who Samantha is today is at the core of the show.

What does this have to do with adoption? If you are parenting an abused child, it has everything to do with it. While Samantha Who? is a comedy and not looking to “go deep,” it provides a wonderful representation of what it is like to deal with flashbacks.

When Consequences Are Not Effective

FosterMommy — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 19:36:35 -0600

Welcome to older child adoption when giving consequences to your child for the wrong behavior do not have the effect that the parents desire. Traumatized children do not respond to the disciplinary measures in ways that “normal” children respond. Yet, most of us stubborn parents continue to try, much to our own frustration. Of course, that results in a lot of negative interaction between the parents and child. Eventually, the relationship disintegrates to an antagonistic co-existence waiting for the eighteenth birthday. Although, some parents disrupt the adoption out of pure frustration and some place the children in out-of-home placements. Some parents figure it out, change their methods, and salvage the relationship.

Trauma Tuesday: Hoarding, OCD, and the Abused Adopted Child

FaithA — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 07:15:16 -0600

Most people have heard of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). When they think of OCD, they think of an adopted child who must lock the door three times or keep the objects in her room in a particular order.

OCD is common in abused adopted children. OCD is an anxiety disorder, and abused children frequently struggle with deep levels of anxiety. One way that abused children manage their anxiety is through OCD symptoms. By controlling things that most people do not care about, they feel like they are taking control over their own lives. This is very important to an abused child whose life has been out of control.

One manifestation of OCD that many people are not aware of is called “hoarding.” Hoarding is when an abused adopted child must stockpile a whole bunch of a particular item. If anyone tampers with the stockpile, the abused child can become agitated to the point of having a panic attack.

I have an issue with hoarding pens.

Guest Blog: Tyler, Coming Home, We Are Adopted

GuestBlogger — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 02:15:04 -0600

It is day two of Tyler’s visit to my home. Yes, last night’s refusal to take his shower and change for bed was testing. He woke up cranky, still wearing everything including his jacket, and needing a shower. I told him we could get going after his shower. He saw no point in that. After a bit he was up and ready to go, again, we can leave after your shower. More time, he appears in different clothes and his hair is wet. I smelled a rat. The towel was dry and so was the shower. Later, he appears in a towel, letting me know that the showerhead doesn’t work well. Water all over the floor, yes he had taken a shower. ODD? Yes, thank you.

Guest Blog: Tyler Coming Home, Home Visit

GuestBlogger — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 19:06:34 -0600

My new, soon to be son, Tyler, called me this morning as he and his worker were driving south to Sacramento, where they would catch a flight to Long Beach. He started off with, “Hi Dad...” That was the first time he had called me that. They were on schedule. The worker had MapQuest directions, but the streets leading to our home are confusing. I talked Tyler through the route, there was the car, and my son was coming home for the first time. This is an unusual visitation, he would be with me for four days, on day five we would fly in my airplane to his city, where I would sign the adoption placement papers and then we would return home. Once he was out of the car, we would not be separated again.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases - Human Papillomavirus HPV

FosterMommy — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 19:40:25 -0600

The CDC has issued a new report, “Assessing the Burden of Human Papillomavirus (HPV)-Associated Cancers in the United States (ABHACUS).” The CDC has pushed for the HPV vaccine, commonly known as Gardasil, to be given to all girls and women between the ages of 9 and 26. They are pushing for the younger age to reach girls before they become sexually active, if possible. The numbers that the CDC collected and included in this report will serve as a baseline to measure the success of the HPV vaccine as well as the cervical cancer screening programs. Numbers reported from 38 states for five years indicate that 25,000 cases of cancer caused by HPV occur each year.

Of course, these cancers caused by HPV happened before the HPV vaccine was developed. The cancer sites associated with the Human Papillomavirus or HPV include the cervix, mouth, anus, vulva, penis, and vagina. This list may give you a clue as to why condoms do not offer 100-percent protection against the more than 30 sexually transmitted types of HPV.