How To Tuesday

How to Tuesday: How to Dress for Court

JulieC — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 12:59:58 -0600

Be clean. The day that you are to make an appearance in court is not the day to skip on showering! This is also not the day to forget to brush your hair. Groom yourself well, but shy away from hair or skin products that make you appear shiny, oily, or greasy.

Wear clean clothes. Not only do you want your body clean for your big day in the courtroom, you want your clothes to be as well. The majority of court appropriate clothing is dry clean only, so be sure to pick out what you want to wear well in advance, in case you need to take it to the cleaners beforehand.

Dress conservatively. If it wouldn’t be appropriate to wear to your grandmother’s birthday, or to church, it isn’t appropriate for the courtroom. Skirts and dresses should be below the knee, necklines should never plunge, and men should be in button down shirts, and good slacks at minimum.

Go easy on the make up. A light, natural look works best. Heavy makeup can be distracting to others, and can also lead others to take you less seriously.

No sneakers. No flip-flops, no sandals. Dress shoes, and dress shoes only. And ladies, the courtroom is not now, nor will it ever be a place for spiked heels.

How to be a Playful Parent

JulieC — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 21:53:27 -0600

Make up songs. The sillier and more senseless the better! You don’t even have to sing well, kids love breaking into song and being silly, don’t believe me? Ask the creator of High School Musical about young kids and their love of songs! The macaroni and cheese song I made up to entertain my youngest while we cooked his lunch still makes him giggle hysterically, and the only lyrics are “macaroni and cheese” so if you are worried about not being creative enough, you may be placing your standards a bit high for yourself without even knowing it…

Make it a game. No one likes doing laundry, but who doesn’t love a good game of I bet I can get more socks into the washing machine than you can in the next five minutes? Regardless of who puts the most socks in, you really aren’t going to come out behind here. Kids are rarely willing to work, but always ready to play, teaching them how to make every day tasks fun will serve them throughout the rest of their lives.

Random tag. If you want to catch a child pleasantly off guard, walk by tag them with the traditional “you’re it” and then run away. Nothing is more fun than a random game of tag.

Sing in the car. Need I say more?

Blow bubbles in the bath tub. If you have yet to discover the fun of indoor bubbles, then you my friend are missing out.

How To Tuesday: How to Avoid Adopting a RAD Child

JulieC — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 20:46:38 -0600

Reactive attachment disorder (RAD) is a condition found in children who have received grossly negligent care and who do not form a healthy emotional attachment with their primary caregivers -- usually their mothers -- before age 5.

-WebMD

RAD, or Reactive Attachment Disorder is not easy to deal with. Children suffering from RAD are hurting tremendously inside and with no skills to cope with the intense pain and anguish that is felt they lash out at themselves and anyone around them who tries to get emotionally close. Not everyone is equipped to handle a RAD child.

Know the signs and symptoms. The more that you know about RAD the easier it will be to pick out the red flags and warning signs that a child may have more difficulties with attachment than you are comfortable or equipped to handle.

Get real about attachment issues. Understand that any child who has suffered the loss of his or her first family is going to have attachment issues to some degree. Once bitten, twice shy. Children who have previously suffered loss are expected to have attachment difficulties to some degree; those with attachment difficulties are slow to trust, while those with an attachment disorder (RAD) are incapable of it.

Be honest with your adoption worker. Let your adoption worker know up front that you do not feel comfortable with parenting a RAD child. Outline the behaviors and disorders that you feel you can handle, and then stick to those boundaries.

How to Tuesday: How to Write an Autobiography for Your Adoption Home Study

JulieC — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 22:21:50 -0600

There is an astonishing abundance of writing as one trudge's through the adoption process, overwhelming even those who find enjoyment the art of recording their brain's creations. Besides the “Dear Birthmother” letter, the autobiography would be 'the other' big writing stressor of the adoption process. Each agency will have their own guidelines as to what specific topics they would like to see included in your autobiography.

Ready, set, reflect. A social worker could interview you and find out everything that you are going to put into the autobiography, and actually will do so at some point before the home study process comes to conclusion. You aren’t really writing this for them while they do benefit from it; you are doing it for you. The autobiography is a chance for you to reflect on the events that have occurred in your life, and how those events as well as your rejoinder to them have fashioned you into the individual you are today. Subsequent to your first meeting your social worker has an impression of your persona, it’s their job is to interpret people’s personalities after all, so what they are looking for in your autobiography besides the information they requested in their guideline is how you view, and feel about yourself.

Make an outline. Make a list of the events, and facts you want to write about, then go back and write a few key details about each entry, including it’s specific point. You don’t want to be eight paragraphs deep about your exhilaration over receiving your first puppy, before realizing you put Fido on the list to illustrate your first experience with death and grief.

Talk to friends and family. Talking about old times will help you remember forgotten details of the past events, such as how you actually felt while going through them. Examine each event from the perspective you had in the moment, as well as from your current one.

How to Tuesday: How to Get Your Kids Back From Foster Care

JulieC — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 11:17:45 -0500

Examine and work your case plan! Working through your case plan is the single most effective way to get your children back from foster care. It is important to follow the plan closely, and to not just start the items but to complete each item in the plan. A caseworker is not going to be impressed that you merely signed up for parenting classes; they will be impressed after you complete them.

Keep in contact with your worker. Don’t dodge phone calls, and don’t skip appointments! Take any and every chance of contact, as a chance to show your worker how far you have come, and how well you are doing. Ask your worker what else you could be doing to improve your home life and parenting skills to help bring your children home. Your worker needs to see that you are committed to changing the bad habits that initially caused your family to be separated and that you are focused completely on your children and their well-being.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. They may have removed your children, but your worker it not the enemy. If you are having trouble completing part of your case plan, or making it to appointments, get in contact with your worker. Do not whine and make excuses for yourself, which will only show your worker that you are still not ready to take responsibility for yourself and your children. Instead let your worker know that you are having trouble and need assistance to solve the matter. If you do not have transportation to get to appointments, your worker can help you find someone to take your, or even take you him or herself. Admitting that you need help to complete your plan, without whining or placing blame, shows your worker that you understand what you can and cannot handle on your own, and that you know when to step back and seek assistance to complete a difficult task at hand.

How to Tuesday: How to Pick an Extra Curricular Activity for Your Adopted Child

JulieC — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 11:07:07 -0500

While parents may argue about the amount of extra curricular activities children should be involved in, they can agree that it is good for children to have at least one organized activity besides school that they attend on a regular basis. Some children play sports, some children play instruments, some take art classes, and some attend groups like the Boy Scouts, and the Girl Scouts.

But how do you know what activity will fit your child best?

Ask previous Caregivers. Talk to your child’s social worker and/or foster parent about what activities he or she feels would benefit the child, or that the child has previously been enrolled in. Your child may have already been involved in an activity that he or she greatly enjoyed, but is too shy to ask about rejoining.

Ask your Child. If you are able to communicate with your child get feedback on what activities he or she has an interest in. Make yourself a list to reference later; it will definitely come in handy.

Think about your child’s behavior and interests. Is he or she constantly climbing on and jumping off of everything? Give gymnastics or tumbling a try. Is your child constantly coloring, in books, on walls, wherever? They may be more suited for an art class. Is your child constantly catching bugs? A nature or science club may be right up their alley.

How to Tuesday: How to Induce Breast Milk for Your Adopted Baby

JulieC — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 16:37:08 -0500

Take Hormones: Oestrogen, Progesterone, This works well for those who have been matched at least three to four months before the baby is due. Adding Domperidone can help to stimulate more milk production. While these drugs can help to stimulate your milk flow, as always stay under the care of a doctor, as all medications carry certain risks when taken.

Pump: Rent or buy a good breast pump. A duel pump lets you get twice the work done in half the time, the more stimulation that your nipples get, the more signals will be sent to your brain saying ‘we need to produce more milk!’ Pump as often as you can handle, but keep in mind you will most likely have to build up your pumping sessions over time as your body becomes accustom to it.

Go Natural: There are plenty of natural herbs that claim to help with inducing breast milk, Anise Seed, Fenugreek, Goats Rue, Hops, Milk Thistle, Nettle Leaf, Red Raspberry Leave, and Shatavari are all supposed to help with the production of breast milk.

How To Tuesday: How To Locate a Birth Parent or Surrendered Child

JulieC — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 11:53:09 -0500

Use adoption registries. There are local registries as well as both national and international. Some have an enrollment fee which may seem unfair, but is done with your best interest in mind, to keep out scammers pretending to be long lost family members, which happens more often than one might think.

Popular Adoption Registries:

Adoption Database

registry.adoption.com

adoptionregistry.us

Adoption Searching

Adoptee Connect

National Adoption Registry

Fine Me

adoptionregistry.webs.com

Family Ties Adoption Search Database

Lost n Found Adoption Registry

Utilize social networking sites such as Linkedin, Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, Bebo, Friendster, MyHeritage, and other popular social networking sites, to search for your biological family member.

Look through public records! Real estate records, tax records, criminal records, can all, at the very least, help to paint a life picture of the person which you are looking for, if not lead you to right to them altogether. Large multi search sites usually have a fee, but if you know what area to search in local resources such as courthouses have free access to public records online.

Popular Public Records Search Sites:

searchsystems.net

brbpub.com

publicrecords.onlinesearches.com

netronline.com

Have a name and an old address? Try contacting old neighbors to see if anyone has kept in contact with whom you are searching for. If nothing else a neighbor may be able to pass a message on to the family member you are looking for, or give you an idea on where to look next. You can also try to request a forwarding address from the post office.

How To Tuesday: How to Read a Bedtime Story to Your Newly Adopted Child

JulieC — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 15:31:13 -0500

Most new parents look forward to the end of the day, specifically their children’s bedtime, as it means that they can finally rest their weary bones for a spell, before starting their new and exhausting parental routine all over again the following day. Newly adoptive parents, have a few reasons to be a little nervous about the ‘bedtime routine.’ Especially if they have never read a bedtime story to a child before.

Before falling asleep at night, we are left lying in bed in the dark with nothing but our thoughts in our head. For those who have recently suffered trauma, or great upheaval in their lives, being alone with their thoughts is about the last thing they want to do!

Bedtime stories give your new child something else to think about, they can immerse themselves into a fantasy world where the pains of reality do not exist. They can help to relax your newly adopted child, and help him or her to feel more at ease in their new home. Reading a bedtime story to your newly adopted child is also a great chance for the two of you to begin bonding with one another.

So how do you go about reading a good bedtime story?

How to Address a Dear Birthmother Letter

JulieC — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 17:05:16 -0500

In my last blog about Dear Birthmother Letters, we went over why a Dear Birthmother letter should not be addressed as such, but just in case you missed that blog, and are feeling to lazy to click on the link, we will go over the basic idea right here one more time.

She is not yet a birthmother, she has not yet given birth, nor has she relinquished a child for adoption, therefore we do not want to start the letter off calling her something that is, in its entirety, completely false. When addressing a Dear Birthmother letter, if you are going to refer to the possible placing mother in the greeting, you want to refer to her as what she is, and not what she isn’t.

Here are some examples on how you can address your Dear Birthmother Letter:

Dear Expecting Mother,
Dear Concerned Mother,
Dear Potential Birthmother, (if you absolutely must use it, at least use it right!)
Hello,
Hi,
Greetings!
Salutations!
Hi there!
Welcome to our Family,
The story of us,
This is who we are,