Patricia Dischler

Parenting Lessons

GuestBlogger — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 17:52:28 -0500

Today's guest blogger is Patricia Dischler, the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

Every parent wishes their child came to them with instructions. We all struggle with choices regarding our child and raising them. We all worry about them. We let our love for them guide us as we tumble along that road of "parent" and try our best, praying we don't mess up too badly. To my surprise, my children were not born with instruction manuals either! But over time, what I realized is that the instruction manual was in front of me years before they were even born: my parents. Watching our own parents, learning from their successes and failures, is one of the best parenting guides we can find. It is the real world, honest, day to day execution of the toughest job on this earth: parenting.

Even better, is that we get what I would call "supplemental journals" for this parenting guide. They are all the other people in our lives that are parents as well. We can learn from each and every one of them.

My own parents provided a wealth of information regarding parenting dos and don'ts.

Parental Support for Crisis Pregnancy

GuestBlogger — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 15:42:09 -0500

Whether you are the parent of a young girl facing an unplanned pregnancy, or a counselor that is trying to help her with her decision, how a parent supports their child in this situation affects you. For parents, your opinion and support (or lack of) becomes one of the biggest influences in her decision making process. For counselors, where the parent support is lacking, it will be your job to fill in the blanks.

As the mother of a 17 year old girl, I can completely relate to how my parents must have felt on the day I announced I was pregnant.

Reunions: Never Having to Say Goodbye Again

GuestBlogger — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 10:50:11 -0500

One of the key benefits to an open adoption is that a relationship is formed between adoptive and birth families, so a "Goodbye" at the hospital isn't really a goodbye, it's more like a "see you later!" How often everyone decides to visit will be a very individual decision. Some birthmothers will get to see their baby again in a couple of weeks, or months. Others, like me, may have to wait years but will still have a written or verbal communication during that time. Every birthmother who kisses their baby goodbye at the hospital immediately begins to wonder about when the next kiss will get to come.

Contrary to the many fears adoptive parents may have, a birthmother's desire to see her child again has nothing to do with the role of "parent" and whether or not she is trying to reclaim it.

Finding Your Child's Instruction Manual

GuestBlogger — Thu, 22 May 2008 17:53:05 -0500

How often have you thought, "Why don't these kids come with instruction manuals?" Most likely, it's pretty often! We search high and low, we find a good one on discipline or a good one on building their self-esteem, maybe even a book on cooking with the kids, but in the end there always seems to be something missing.

The best books on raising your kids have one commonality: they are based on the intellectual decisions parents need to make while parenting.

No One Forgets

GuestBlogger — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 17:25:40 -0500

Giving birth changes a woman forever. It is the most personal, emotional, incredible experience she will ever have. It is not an experience that can ever be forgotten or discounted. Women who have chosen adoption can no easier forget their child as they can forget they have legs.

This April, just like each April for the past 22 years, on the 5th, I stop my day, get out The Box, sit down, and remember.

It was April 4th, Good Friday, and true to the end, my family had gone on to mass without me. I sat in my Dad's ugly red-orange recliner and watched the news. It was nice to be alone and be able to rub my belly without feeling self-conscious in front of my family. I was a full week overdue and had begun to accept the idea that I was going to be pregnant forever.

I Say Goodbye, You Say Hello

GuestBlogger — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 12:10:15 -0500

In any pregnancy, there is much anticipation. For birth families this anticipation includes excitement over the birth of a child and also the anxiety of knowing their time with the child will be short and the fear that they will not have the strength to let go. For adoptive families there is also the excitement of a child coming into their family as well as the anxiety over having to wait to see their child and the fear that the birthmother will change her mind and their dreams will come to an end.

Both families share the feelings of anticipation, expectation and joy. Yet from there, their emotional paths will take very different journeys. What becomes painful for one becomes joyous for another. These conflicting emotions both deserve respect and the time and space to be fully explored and experienced. But it is also important for each family to take some time to understand the journey of the other. Doing so will not only help each family gain a new respect for the other, but it can help them with their own journey.

Guest Blog: "Juno Brings Adoption Back Into Focus " by Patricia Dischler

GuestBlogger — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 00:32:25 -0600

Today's Guest Blogger is Patricia Dischler, the author of, "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

The film "Juno" stars Ellen Page as the high school junior, Juno MacGuff, who decides to place her child in an open adoption. Juno considers abortion but changes her mind after visiting a women's clinic. She chooses an adoptive couple then returns to her life and a happy ending. In addition to being nominated for four Oscars, the movie is opening the eyes of many teens to the possibilities in adoption.